What is a gift but does not feel like one? For me today, it is the opportunity to reinvent myself and truly follow George's desire to "...do what I want to do." This is a good thing, right? Then why does it feel the total opposite of it?
I have been pondering this for the last few days, riding the up and down roller-coaster of self-doubt and excitement. Talk about mood swings!! I have decided that I need to detox from what has been entrenched in me as to what you should do and how that should look but am at a bit of a loss on how to do so. Do I just lie in bed and wait for it to pass? Do I sit on the deck in the back yard and commune with nature and wait for it to pass? So many questions. So few answers. In my heart, I know that I have made the right choice. I just need my mind to catch up to me but that is a tortuous process, affecting those around me, which feeds the guilt and depression of putting them through my 'crazy'.
My family is amazing and supportive and just wants me to be happy, which I truly appreciate, but find it harder to do that as the journey will affect them too, which I do not find fair to them. Life is not fair, I know, but it is different when it is you and yours. One day at a time is the best that I can do. I just hope that it will be good enough.
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